Charlotte started school the last week of January and she will be ending the last week of March. It was a very tough time in our lives when she went in. I was just floored by how often both children needed me at the same time and how heartbreaking it was to have to choose one to help. I am sure now, I had some postpartum depression floating in the atmosphere there for a while. We thought school would give Charlotte a good feeling of fun and friends to play with. But she just seemed to miss home and I missed her. This month we scaled back from 3pm to noon and it has been lovely to have my little one at home to share lunch with. But honestly, it wasn’t enough.
She’s been coming home sad from school, even acting up the moment she emerges from the playground. She had a spring break and truly didn’t miss it. And today, another kid hurt her. (She’s been talking about pushing and kicking since she started there.) Above all else, she seems to be hurting right now. She’s acting out in the saddest ways and her tears flow so freely these days. I don’t know if it’s school or her grandma moving to California or the new baby or a combination of all three, but I think she is too young to be gone half the day and she is at an age where school is 100% optional. So my beautiful, intelligent and achy baby is coming home.
Home is, or should be, a refuge for all of us. It isn’t necessarily linked to place. Home is a sense of belonging, being loved and feeling safe. She will be home, every day, for me wrap my arms around her and remind her of how much we love her and how she matters so much to our day. We will make breakfast that we both can enjoy and she will take part in making our home clean and beautiful. She already takes her role as a big sister seriously, and I will give her as much freedom to assist as possible. I am so happy I can be here for her while she is feeling so blue and seemingly confused by these emotions. Soon she will be at school all day and her troubles will kept inside so much more. For this small moment, I can share her troubles and help her re-discover more of her joy.