Working changes everything and nothing simultaneously. I was reading a blog that I used to read daily and haven’t looked at for weeks. I glanced at the unread posts in my google reader mid paragraph and was taken by the total of unread posts: 1000. Staring at that number made me realize, maybe for the first time that, my life is a whole lot different now that I’m gone 45+ hours a week. Things I did as part of my daily ritual are gone and have been replaced with less exciting getting ready, Starbucks and commuting 14 miles each way. I sometimes leave before the baby wakes up in the morning and get home after she is asleep at night.
Hobbies seem far fetched, distant and time consuming! Finding time to write, read, take photos or do much of anything besides sit on the couch with my feet up will be a major accomplishment.
But working feels good too. I like the place, people and feeling I get after putting my time in. I enjoy having something to dress nicely for. I like having stories to tell when I get home. And I’m blessed to know my daughter is safe and happy at home with Grandma.
The biggest adjustment will be how to manage life. We haven’t both worked full time in over a year, and now we have Charlotte who we try to spend every free second with. Thank god my mother doesn’t mind vacuuming! I’m starting to understand what working moms go through to balance themselves, their families and work. And this realization only makes me appreciate what my mom went through to raise me on her own even more.
Balance will come. Someday soon, I’ll read a magazine, or pick up a new book or maybe try to remember what I used to do in what now seems like an eternity of time.